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AbigailBC

Abigail BcColliens
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Psychologist.

8 min read

(If you’re bored as hell, feel free to continue reading. Though this is a warning you might not find anything interesting in this text and that it might be just a waste of your time. It’s a personal entry that was written just ‘cause I’m so fired up.)


    Nee~

    Let me talk about my life for a bit.

    (I was a bit hesistant about talking in English, but the words flow through my mind freely by itselves, so let’s leave it at this.)

     

    When I was young, I wanted to become an archaeologist. (Not to mention I wanted to become wolf in the first place, but it’s a bit off). I’m not really sure if it was after I watched „Das Jesus Video“ or even before that, but I fell in love with the idea of being in the desolate desert and discovering new things, or finding the very ancient ones. I don’t know if I said it to anyone (my best friend afterwards excepting), but my mom bought me a book „The Egypt Game“, knowing I love Egypt. Then I was open about it, I guess. But nowadays, there’s almost nothing new to discover, and it’s really troublesome to reach that profession, you know.

    Then there was a stage when I didn’t care about anything but dogs, not caring about what I become, as long as I can have bunch of dogs to také care of. If anything, I’d love to become a vet. But I knew it’s impossible for me to do any other work than the one connected with dogs, not to mention that I’d just hurt them by injections or have to do euthanasia. And me becoming a doctor? Hahah. My grades were really bad back then at the elementary school. I pretty much didn’t care about them.

    I actually ended up writing bunch of stories instead of studying. I was writing even during classes (and few times, the teachers took my notes and told me they have burned them just to make me anxious and never write in their classes again… I have to say it kind of worked) and now, there’s many and many stories in my computer and on my shelves. Just few of them are finished though, but I used to have a lot of fans back then. I even won few contests. I still come up with plots, but I don’t have the time to write. And it’s really making me sad, ‘cause one of my biggest dreams was to publish a book. (Now, I don’t have to say directly – „that was the stage of my life when I wanted to become a writer“, do I?) But I can put that dream aside for now, I can do that at any time of my life; that’s what I told myself. (And watch other authors slowly stealing my ideas).

    The choice about what high school to go was very hard. I choose tourism because I liked to learn languages and wanted to see the world. Knowing that Krakovska (the name of my school) would be a mistake of my life… but I’ve heard there are traineeships in foreign countries like Spain, Lithuana, Italy or England, so I secretly hoped to reach one of them. And that is what actually come true. I was in London! That’s the reason why I attend this school. Yeah. And I’m not going to touch tourism services as work ever again. Never ever again. Never. (Though, working in travel agency wouldn’t be that uncomfortable. But pretty stereotyped, though.)

    At the end of high school, I was absolutely lost. (I used past tense, you see?) I didn’t know what I want to do at all. I just thought about applying into college just for not having to search for a job.

    And I don’t know who opened my eyes. Was it Ivy? (My classmate, she found herself a boyfriend who’s studying psychology and that’s why she want to study that too… even though (don’t tell her) she’s absolutely not suited for being a psychologist… she’s just not the type who listens to your problems, she’s the type who likes to talk about her own problems, but let’s leave that aside, she might get used to it eventually). That might be true. She showed me the path I was already walking on but with my eyes closed. She pulled out a flashlight and shone on it.

    Because actually, I’ve never cared about something so much than other people. I must admit I never tell them my problems and if so, only superficially. I don’t like talking about me being in troubles. (When I think about it, I don’t like talking about me even being happy… oh, I don’t like talking about myself at all). But others speak to me about their problems really openly. They always do it themselves, spontaneously I’d say. They always find me and trust me I’d never tell anyone. They don’t have to say it out loud (the words, „don’t tell anyone,“), I’d never do so. Didn’t I say I don’t like talking about my problems? Why then talking about ones of other people to another people? If they’d want them to know, they’d tell them themselves. That’s what I think. That’s another fact about me – I don’t really like serious talks in big groups. (When having fun in groups, that’s okay, but not being serious… and I consider big group as three persons or more). I feel the best if it’s just me and the other person. Then I can sense what type of person he is and can talk with him that way. (It might be kind of mean of me and I know it’s a bad way of behavior, but I can’t help it – I always behave that way what kind of person I am with; another reason why I don’t like big groups). And… The thing that makes me the most happy is the smile of others. I feel so pathetic whenever I realize that I’m happy when I see I made someone else happy, but there’s nothing I can do with that weird habit of mine. I just want to see people happy no matter what and if it’s me who’s making them happy (even with a little things), I feel it even more.

    And I wondered what kind of profession would suit me and wouldn’t bore me and wouldn’t be stereotypical. Actually, wasn’t that obvious? (Every time I had to do some homework using Wikipedia, I ended up reading about psychical diseases, phenomenons, behavior or types of people. I have pretty much mastered my knowledge about the MBTI personality system too. Gosh, it’s all just so interesting! I love to know more about people’s personalities! Can you imagine how amazing it is to just look at someone who’s doing something without thinking and exactly know what’s the person like?! It’s not that easy though, but I can feel I have even an innate sense for that… might have sound a bit egoistic though. In the end, I’m an INFJ, you know.)

    So. Finally, I come to the conclusion what I want to be. A psychologist. It’ll be a difficult journey, ‘cause you know, it’s me! The one who was first in having the most bad grades in elementary school! Even now I’m the average. But it’s just ‘cause I’m so lazy-ass, always following a motto, „if I don’t have to do it, I won’t.“. In my laziness, you can consider me as Oreki Houtarou or Hikigaya Hachiman. I just don’t do things that are not necessary.

    But now, I’m so fired up.

    Even if there’s just a 5% chance of getting to that University, even if the high school I’m attending is worse than my elementary school (regardint to knowledge… oh how I hate this school for ruining my life), I believe I can do it in the end.

    Watch me becoming a person who makes people happy as a proffesion!

     

    (I had a strong-minded moment, so I had to put it all into words. I’m so fired up for finally realising what I really want, forgive me.)

     

    Nee~

    I’m almost sure you have dreams you want to achieve too. And now, in the state I’m in, I can’t tell you that you’ll achieve them for sure, but let me say this – as long as you believe you can, as long as you try to do so, as long as you do your best, you can do anything. Anything you want, okay? If you believe in yourself, then you can be unbounded.

    I’ve really got liking to one quote from Kuroko no Basket:

    You’re allowed to scream, you’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to fall, but not to give up.

    So do me a favor and make yourself happy. (By now you should know that seeing you happy is what makes me happy too, right?)

    Ne~ ? 

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Tagged.

7 min read
Well:la:... I'm today a little bit talkative, so I decided that I should write a journal... Although nobody will read it. :aww::XD:

I just came home, I had really good mood at morning so I listened to Simple Plan and other good-mood-making songs and then I went out with friends, it was really nice weather after really looong time, spring's coming :aww: and we met old friends and then, when the night fell, we climbed on the roof (a roof of the police station, but we were invisible :paranoid::XD:) and there we just listened to some songs and watched stars... I always wanted to sit on the roof and think... but until now we couldn't find a roof where we could get :XD: ... so, It was really fine day :XD: That's it. :D

And, I was tagged here by :iconkiwiki24:, so I should answer these questions, which she devised :meow: :




1. What is your favorite movie?
-Movie... well, the best storyboard I've ever fell in love is Death Note... I wanted to mention it, cuz it isn't just anime and manga, but also the live-actors movie.
But if I should choose just some movie, it actually can't be just one. I love
Pirates of the Caribbean (It's a looong time when I fell in love with handsome Jack Sparrow :iconloveloveplz:), fairytale 10th Kingdom (Wolf~), series Vampire Diaries (Damon~), The Chronicles of Narnia series (Peter~)... or Hachiko, dog's tale - japanese story about dog's loyality (it always makes me cry, can't be helped), Bridge to Terabithia - story about friendship (I've always built a friendship on a higher position than a love, maybe that's the cause of my pleasure in this story), Das Jesus Video (well, I don't know the english name of it but when I was a little bit smaller, 10 years back I guess, I saw this going in TV with the icon 18+, and I had forbidden to watch these night-horrible-bloody-movies, but I watched it through, and since that first sight I loved it :XD: and I still do ;P), Sherlock Holmes (he's awesome as hell! :la:), czech movie Lidice, about the times of injustice.... and the best at the end - Gladiator! I love this movie so much that I can't express it just by words! I'd watch it everyday, if it wouldn't be 3 hours long... I absolutely love Maximus and his sense for revenge, justice and honor... It's also movie when I always cried at the very end and it'll never lost its charm:aww::heart: (I talked with some friends-boys and they say, that this was the only one movie, what ever makes them cry, kekeke :mwahaha: I'd really like to watch this film, while sitting next to the some boy and seeing him crying by this :XD: lol)

2. what would you do if you where standing against a big creepy zombie unicorn?
-I'd ride it.

3. where do you like to be?
-I want to gooo to Japan so baaad! :iconcrycryplz: the Japanese are Gods :iconimveryseriousplz:

4. who's you favorite character from wich movie?
-It was not enough the written above? Well... Beyond Birthday, 夜神月, L ... They're just the characters I love more than another ones. (L and Light are from Death Note, Beyond is from Another Note)

5. who do you tink is the awesomest from 'Alice in Wonderland', the mad hatter or the white bunny?
-Of course that Mad hatter is better! You know - it's Johnny, Jack Sparrow actually :iconawwwplz: kyaaaa~:heart:)

6. what do you like to draw or paint or make photos from?
-Don't know how to answer. I love making macro photos. They're always fascinating me.
And I usually paint my favorite characters... but when I think of that now, it's absolutely useless... when I'm in love with them, they'd never look that good like their originals.. so why I am doing that? Well, idk.


7. wich actor do you hate?
-Can't remember any, but I really hate this www.youtube.com/watch?v=51V1VM… music clip, I hate this desing and this song at all! But when I'm watchng this music video, I feel to punch someone.

8. do you think you like my dog?
-I guess? :aww:

9. what is your favorite song?
-I have really many of favorite songs and it changes by time, but there's a song what I love for a many years already - Monsters by Matchbook Romance (www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxurZP…)
The songs I like the most in current time is Glad You Cameyoutu.be/2ggzxInyzVE , Danza Kudurowww.youtube.com/watch?v=GnBYdU… , Welcome to St. Tropezwww.youtube.com/watch?v=Kh2FRF… , Hangoveryoutu.be/dLhFDYQHDQY or Ai Se Eu Te Pegowww.youtube.com/watch?v=hcm55l… ... ;P
Okay, I have to admit, that I'm currently and often listening to this - youtu.be/pqwSIOrMq7w


10. do you like katy perry?
-Not really.

11. what is you favorite coutry?
-Japan, like I said. :aww: ... But I'm too in love with England and Nordic countries... I guess I don't have reason why, I just do.



Well, there was written that rule number one is posting the rules in the journal, but I'm rebel (I'm kidding, I'm absolutely innocent kid who didn't ever smoke, drink or have sex... I just pretty lie sometimes :innocent:) and I'll don't do so. There was also the rule, which says to tag 11 people (I'll not do it) and rule to devise another questions (I'll not do it).
I'm selfish, spoiled and ill-mannered oaf who takes the joy of doing this answers from you. Mwahaha. :mwahaha:

I've talked so much, again ^^;

*My brother did me dinner just a moment ago. He's so sweet sometimes~ :iconcblushplz:
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Anime geek!

2 min read
Heeey :meow: !!


It's a half hour maybe, when I finished anime Kanon. Everyone says that Clannad is just a copy of Kanon, but I think that Clannad was better. I cried more times.. ^^; :aww:

And also.. they say that Beyond Birthday is Gary Stu. :iconcrycryplz: Because he is smart, he have the shinigami eyes, blah blah blah... okay! But L doesn't irritate you, hh? He is smart too, people loves him (kekeke, I do too:heart::meow:) and I didn't hear something like that about him, just about B. Why? Does he bother you? Phh. (Gasp, I would say more, but I'm so bad in english.. :facepalm:)




Okay, now why I wrote this article... heheh. I don't know, I just wanted to. :iconlaughingplz: Take it easy. :XD::XD:
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Everyone forgets. I do. You do. Family do. Friends do.
So why I am so suprised?

You know, I had birthday yesterday. I deleted my birth date in my facebook profile - I have almost 450 "friends" and I wanted to know who didn't forget this little thing. I don't like my birthday - the same with Christmas - but small "happy birthday!" generally makes delight... don't you think?
People who knew I deleted the date told me that I will be disappointed. That I will not have many of congratz. I said "I don't think so, I want congratz just from my close friends."
Actually, now I really am disappointed.
There are people... uhmm, I really love them and I never forgot important thing in their life - weeeh, at least I hope so. And there are people whose I don't like so much and they remembered. My closest don't.

I know! It's problem which is important as dog's shit, but I don't want so much! I just wanna little "happy b-day" from my close friends who knows me from the 1st class from the primary school, it may not be from eye to eye - I would be happy for this words just through facebook! I just wanna... when I have to meet my boyfriend at 3pm, I just don't want to wait for him until isn't 4pm and then go home all alone, without any message from him! And when someone "subtly" ask him about that, I just don't want him to answer: "You'd better not ask." Though some boy fuck with me like that, I just don't want it on my birthday! Or at least I want him to answer me, why he did that.

Do I sound angry? I'm not. I get through it, even it was just yesterday. I am just sorry. On your birthday... for your boyfriend.. you don't stand even for his arrive. It makes you happy, trust me. Hahahah~





Kekeke, I'm listening to My World by Sick Puppies and it describes my feelings perfectly ~ :3 (...welcome to my world... where everyone I ever need... always ends up leaving me alone... ♫)




I'm so glad that we go tomorrow to Stodolni street (legendary party street in our city) and I can finally drink down all that!
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Good morning!! :icondignitylaughplz: Well.. I have 10:08am, so it may be 2 hours maximally when I am awake. :iconidkplz:
We have (with my schoolfriend) the last chance to complete our schoolwork, presentation about concentration camps. It's not easy, cuz I had two books about that and I read 30 pages of 300 and cried 3 times, needing to rest from it. It's all about horibble facts and I just couldn't stand it. A man, which was in ward with daily fear of SS men, didn't know whether he will survive or not. And thousands of another stories. A bloody stories.
And to make matters worse I watched movies about this thema, for example The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (english, 2008) or Lidice (czech, 2011), so my... reluctance... became just deeper.
Why am I saying all that. It's because I have to find some informations and I have just something about 2-3 hours, then we go to shopping centre to complete our work. And I'm really lazy to finding informations. It's sensitive thema.

^^; Idk why am I annoying you with this, so I'm sorry, I just needed to talk I guess? :meow: Just ignore me.


:iconblankblockplz::iconleafline1plz::iconleafline2plz::iconleafline3plz::iconleafline1plz::iconleafline2plz::iconleafline3plz::iconleafline1plz::iconleafline2plz::iconleafline3plz:

~ Did you ever listen to April#2 by Kashiwa Daisuke? I didn't like it at the beginning, but now I love it. If you will do, do not give up and listen to it all the 28 mins. Really. :heart:

~ I'm not deaaad!! :D I'm workin' on a translation some of my stories to upload them here, so will be patient please to read them, if you want to. :aww:

~ Thank youuu. :heart:
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